Matrimony Sites – The Great Indian Circus!!!

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“Getting married is like trading the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one.”- Mae West

DISCLAIMER- All characters in this blog are NOT fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is fully intended & not coincidental.

Many of you might find this article feministic & full of opinions; for all those people -this is a fun article based on real life experiences. Please feel free to convey your thoughts. This blog is all about a raw emotional roller coaster ride one goes just after crossing 30 when your parents wantyou to complete the final milestone of settling down by getting hitched. If you are still optimistic and is currently in search of your ideal Jeevan Saathi (Soulmate) in some social matrimony website, trust us you will enjoy this blog. We have just tried to collate some hilarious personal experiences, we expect our imaginary Hero to walk into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts. Alas, these self-proclaimed perfect men walk in our lives and we feel like leaving footprints on their faces. There are still some people, who showcase that they are mentally liberated, independent, open-minded & modern but somewhere within these words misogyny & patriarchy still survives in our progressive minds.

Don’t be upset my friend if you are still single, a single Google search with the magical keywords ‘Indian Matrimonial Sites’ can definitely provide you some comfort and moral support during this so-called crisis period, when your social media feeds floods with anniversary and marriage updates.

Let’s get back to reality! Unless we get the real feel of rejection, objectification due to skin colour, body shamed, the optimism always takes the front seat of this so called glossy world with beautiful profiles, no bad habits and sky high expectations. Long live  Indian heritage, values and patriarchy ! ‘Live life on your own terms & do stuff when you are ready’ quotes do provide a certain level of confidence but these are actually Hebrew in today’s competitive marriage market.

Quite a few of my friends have already crossed 30 and are actively trying to search their soul mates via internet.  Here goes the experience straight from the horse’s mouth.

Growing up in the 90s, listening to Chitrahaar, Bollywood romantic movies; we all have been in paradise waiting that cliché prince charming. And then.. Reality check!! we go through these real life experiences.

Marriages are made in heaven. Nonsense!!!

That’s what is our experience from the matrimonial sites. Trying to go by the characteristic & behavioural patterns, we can easily classify the mass by the following types.

Of course exceptions are there but deception supersedes it most of the time.

 

Type I: Mr. Horny

 

A person who proposes at the second conversation; asks for your picture in the third and sends his nude/dick pic in the fourth. Then the rest is buried in peace. Yuck!!

Verdict – Stay Away !!

 

Type II: The White Collars

 

 

These guys do not bother about your education, background & interests as they are so engrossed in selling their own. All they need are pure virgin “Bharatiya nari” (Proper Indian Housewife) with loads of “sanskars”(awesome culinary skills). These “Mr. Clean” types are nothing but insecure and hypocrite. They have numerous ways of showing off their status and background. They will cite plenty of examples like displaying current NRI status, letting you know about their acquisitions like expensive cars & bungalows. Showing off their social connections with some influential socialite or politicians. Finally, speaking in English with Auto wala bhaiyas!

Verdict – If you find any of these specimens, Stay away!!

 

Type III: Mr. Casanova

 

 

Please BEWARE of this kind. They are great players & they specialise every art of “emotional attyachar” (mental torture) with ease. They travel distance, give you time, care for you. They will make you happy, soft & emotional but when asked for commitment, they simply evaporate. One can’t deny that anyone will be quite intrigued in the essence of romance and once you devote your time and feelings for Mr. Pseudo Perfect, it will take time for you to face the reality. These above combinations of Sex maniacs, Show-offs & Casanovas will definitely add some spices in your life.

Verdict – Run lola Run!!!

 

 

So, last but not the least. We saved this savage experience for desserts.

 

Type IV: Creeps !!!! This is the most pathetic experience.

 

 

You might travel 1500 miles for them; but when it’s their turn, they prefer to date you within their vicinity like 10 miles!! OK not being modest, 4 miles. Wait! That’s not all, they save each penny and make your travel in a super crowded local bus/train to offer you some panipuri to quench your thirst and hunger.

And last but not the least they don’t even bother to check whether you reached your place safely that night or not! (Remember, you have literally travelled 1500 miles to meet this creep)

 

One thing is for sure, all these hilarious experiences might not be pleasant but being a movie lover, I have been able to find the “Bollywood chaska” (Immortal Filmy Sense of Humour) through all these encounters . We can still lay back on the arm chair, listening to RD Burman tracks and wait for our Prince Charming and Mr. Right.

Relax guys, we aren’t feminazis. We would be back with a role reversal story soon !

 

 

 

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